Dear World,

For too long Jews have been shockingly under-represented in the world of comedy. Did you know that of the world's 13 million matzah-lovers, only 94% have found success in the entertainment industry? The remaining 6%, of course, failed to make it in show business and became doctors and CEO's as a last resort. Their mothers and rabbis were very disappointed, and in accordance with Jewish tradition, their foreskins were publicly reattached while they were forced to eat bologna on white with mayo.

I have therefore decided to make the best use of my BA in economics from Vassar College by becoming a comedy writer. This may surprise you, but let me explain. No, there is no time. Let me sum-up. Economics is about the distribution and consumption of scarce resources. It tries to balance the needs of “efficiency” vs. “equitability” (i.e. maximizing wealth vs. finding a “fair” distribution of wealth). In life, the most precious resource is time. I can either waste my finite supply of time in front of a computer screen in a fabric cube in a wicked ugly building to make a bunch of money for a boss who takes his anger out on me because he had his lunch knocked out of his hands one too many times as a tot…or I can sit in a Wi-Fi enabled park writing jokes about the Bible, Ben Affleck, and the hypothetical international trade ramifications of Africa’s relative labor abundance in conjunction with that continent’s lack of contract-enforcing institutions.

Just kidding—that last one is for the 6% of us who fail and have to move to Washington and work for Brookings.